Saturday, May 23, 2009

why

We were going to leave her alone last night… we were ready to walk out the door and let her have her place to herself. But I remembered a few things that made me think better of that decision..

She doesn’t know where she lives. She told the nurse at the dentist office that yesterday. She doesn’t know her phone number, or anyone other numbers any more.

If there was an emergency, what would she do? How could she tell anyone what she needed, if she doesn’t even know where she lives?

If she left the condo and got lost, she couldn’t tell anyone where she lived, or who to call to find out any information.

I gave her an ICE (In Case of Emergency) card, with her name, address, phone number, and emergency contact information on it. I’d typed it all up nicely and neatly and gave it to her to put in her purse. She said she didn’t need it, but I saw her put it in her purse anyway… until later when I put something in the trash and saw it laying on top.

I’ll make up another card later today, before I go back there.

Yes, I spent the night at my own house last night, although it was far from a normal night. John wasn’t here, he stayed there to keep an eye on her. I missed him, and didn’t sleep well in my own bed without him. I was tired when I got home, but just being here energized me. I started laundry at 9PM. I watched some shows we had taped while on the road, would you believe I didn’t know who won either Hell’s Kitchen or Survivor? (And don’t tell me yet, I haven’t watched the final episode of Survivor yet!)

As usual, John left his alarm on, and it woke me up at 6:30 this morning. As tired as I was, I got up anyway, I was home. I did some laundry switching, that in dryer, more in washer… havn’t been home for ten days, it’s piled up. I puttered around in the bedroom, came out here to the kitchen and decided to add some more things to my new lap top, things I need to have on here for Relay and Retreat business. I answered emails, well those that had come in for the last ten days which I hadn’t gotten replied to.

Several friends have written and/or called me about my blog posts. One asked me why I was writing so depressing… well that’s my way of letting my family and friends what’s happening in my life. She won’t ever read what I wrote, and it’s good for me to get it down. If anything it will help me remember.

Another friend said “it is hard having someone in your home all the time.” Imagine being in your own home, but not knowing it is your home. Imagine walking into your kitchen, and not knowing where anything is. Imagine standing in your own living room, and not knowing which way the front door is. Imagine turning on light switch after light switch to turn on a light, not remembering from day to say which lamp is on a switch, and which one isn’t. How can we possibly leave her alone until she knows these things, and since her short term memory is gone, she has to relearn all of them again.

Moving was hard on her because she’s lost all the familiar things, nothing is where it was before. I’ve watched her open a drawer to get something, not to find it there, because it’s still in a box. Hopefully this weekend we’ll get all the boxes empty. If anything rearranging things in drawers will keep her busy, and eventually, I hope, she will remember where things are, and maybe even where she is.

Until then, we'll be there for her. If she doesn't learn, there are options... but I don't want to think about them yet.

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Thanks for understanding
Marge