Recluse?

I just got a phone call from SOB Nancy, and the first thing she said was “Are you still alive?” I guess that clues you in on how long it’s been since we talked, and I will tell you it’s been even longer since we’ve seen each other, over a year now. (SOB is/was my quilting bee, which has sort of dissolved with issues in life interfering with our getting together.) But it made me realize something which is hard to admit, I have become a recluse.

It all started last January when we started taking care of John’s Aunt. I gave up quilt bookings and just about everything else except Relay to take care of her between January and June after we moved her down there. Then issues with her and other family members cut us off from her for a while and me still, I have not seen her since June 3rd. (Court date to hopefully settle that issue is the end of this month, hopefully)

While in NY I started noticing my knees giving me issues, pain. I had a lot of trouble getting up and down stairs (and she was on the third floor up there) and eventually it hurt just to stand for a long time. That continued until I couldn’t take it any more and went to see the doctor about it. A few months of treatments, then surgery and then my birthday trip to Florida and home again. I was pain free for about 5 weeks, when it started up again.

Now it’s February and I realize I’ve been out of the house four times this year. First was a Doctor’s appointment in early January, followed by a Relay For Life meeting, then lunch with some friends. The February RFL meetings were cancelled due to the bad weather so I had no place to go until we lost power for those 61 hours this week. When I couldn’t stand myself anymore John drove me to Mike’s for a shower, being my first and only outing so far in February.

I’ve heard lots of stories of people getting cabin fever, and just sort of ignored them. I think that was my subconscious protecting me. I don’t have cabin fever, not at all, I like being here at home. But I do like sewing, which again has become almost impossible, it hurts after five minutes at the machine. I do like cooking, but that means I have to stand up, and that hurts. My house is a mess, you have to stand and walk to clean. I like taking long hot showers, but lately my showers are getting shorter and shorter since it hurts to stand, and it also hurts to get in and out of the bathtub… and to get up and down from a chair, in and out of bed.

Yes, it’s time to go back to the Doctor’s again, but right now they are so messed up schedule wise I can’t get in. My next “regular” appointment is the end of March and when I tried to get in before that, they laughed…

So I’ve become a recluse….. I don’t feel like one, communicating with the outside world with my telephone and the internet. No, I’m not a recluse, that doesn’t fit… I’m just stuck at home happily working on what I can work on without using my knees and someone who is very thankful she has a husband who loves taking care of everyone… including me.